Hysterical Quotes by Kevin Nealon

Kevin Nealon was born in November 18, 1953 in St. Louis, Missouri. Nealon has a degree in marketing from Sacred Heart University. However he switched careers when he realized his true potential and joined the comedy industry. Due to his unique comedic style and topics that to choose to spoke on, he soon became a famous television and theatrical name.

Nealon gave some memorable performances as a cast member of Saturday Night Live (1986-1995). He is recently noted for starring on Showtime’s Golden Globe winning hit series, Weeds. Kevin has also taped two one-hour stand up specials, Now Hear Me Out and most recently, Whelmed, But Not Overly.

In 1987, Nealon made his film debut with romantic comedy, Roxanne, with Steve Martin. He continued to do comedy films after this and his best works include Happy Gilmore and The Wedding Singer, both with Adam Sandler, Anger Management with Jack Nicholson, Daddy Day Care with Eddie Murphy, Grandma’s Boy, Just Go With It and most currently, Blended, with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. He is currently working on a web series on AOL co-produced by Ellen called, Laugh Lessons with Kevin Nealon.

We have collected Kevin Nealon’s most memorable and hysterical quotes for our readers below. Hope you will have a good time reading them.

1. I'm gonna go to upstate New York. New York's the only state that has an upstate. Other states have applied for it, but they can't get it.

2. I'm staying in a nice hotel not too far from here. They even put me in the honeymoon suite... I'm staying with a nice couple from Nebraska.

3. I found this beautiful beach. It was right on the water.

4. As Doug Wison: Judah was lousy at playing the market. I mean, a company that sells morning-after pills for dogs?

5. I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.

6. I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.

7. If you want a transcript of tonight's program, get a pen and write down everything I said.

8. I think the education system is great just the way it is. There's kids in my neighborhood in Los Angeles, seven years old, that can already speak fluent Spanish.

9. It's tough getting older. You start falling apart, you know? My gums are starting to recede now. You can't tell tonight, though, 'cause I comb them forward.

10. I'm trying to become environmentally correct. I got an electric car... They're so cool, it's great. It's in the shop now. We're having a gas engine put in it.

11. Marriage is great. It'll calm you down -- that and neutering.

12. I remember the first date I ever went out on. It was in high school. Her name was Marguerite. She was kind of a heavyset girl... I took her out on one date. We went out for dinner and a movie and a dinner.

13. A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

14. You know what they say: 'You don't have to swim faster than the shark, you just have to swim faster than the person you're with'.

15. A new poll showed that if the election was held today, people would be confused because it is normally held in November.

16. It's amazing how women can get what they want from men... They go through three stages: it's sexy, then the little girl, then bitchy.

17. Whale watching -- that was fun. Captain even let me steer the ship. I liked that. Wasn't crazy about sitting on his lap, but I did all right

18. I live every day like it's the last day of my life. Every morning I wake up real early, and I spend maybe three hours on the phone making funeral arrangements.