Funniest Steve Martin Jokes

Stephen Glenn "Steve" Martin is a stand-up comedian, actor, musician, producer and writer who is an American born on August 14, 1945.
He started his stand-up comedy career as a writer for the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, and later became a frequent guest on The Tonight Show. Since the 1980s, having extended far from stand-up comedy, Martin has turned into a fruitful on-screen actor, and also a creator, writer, piano player and banjo player, in the end acquiring him an Emmy, Grammy and American Comedy grants, among different respects.
In 2004, Comedy Central positioned Martin at 6th place in a rundown of the 100 biggest stand-up comedians. He was granted a privileged Oscar at the Academy's 5th Annual Governors Awards in 2013.
Below are some of the best jokes by Steve Martin:
1. I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and I was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they’re crouching and hidden.
2. A celebrity is anyone who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.
3. There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that.
4. Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
5. What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They can be democrats…or skinny.
6. Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything! First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
7. Cheaper By The Dozen (2005) (Tom Baker)
Nigel Baker: Winnetka? That's my middle name.
Kyle Baker: And Lake is mine.
Tom Baker: That's because you were conceived there.
Nigel Baker: What's that mean?
Jessica Baker: It means mom and dad had...
Kate 'Mom' Baker: ...a conversation, that we would discuss it much later when everybody could understand!
Lorraine Baker: You know how I feel about camping.
Tom Baker: But, we're staying in a house.
Lorraine Baker: A house with no air conditioning. That makes it camping.
Tom Baker: That's not gonna fit in your tent, Lorraine. Lorraine Baker: Oh, I'm gonna make it fit, Dad!
Lorraine Baker: Still smells the same. Old gross stuff, dead animals, and murky lake water.
Tom Baker: It's called fresh air sweetie.
8. The Pink Panther 2 (2009) (Inspector Jacques Clouseau)
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I am now leaving France. This is a bad idea. [steps over "You are now leaving France" line in airport]
TV Announcer: The legendary Pink Panther diamond has been stolen.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: What'd I tell you?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And your name?
Vicenzo: Vicenzo Roccara Squarcialupi Brancaleone.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Oh... That is your name. I thought you were ordering in Italian. Once again.
Vicenzo: Vicenzo Roccara Squarcialupi Brancaleone.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Vicen tam-ta-da-tam-tam Don Corleone Pepperidge: Tell me, how did you enjoy your trip to the *airport*?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: [holding his stamped hand to his chin in thought] Now, how did you know that?
Vicenzo: Clouseau, you are a lover. And Nicole is a woman for a lifetime, a woman to have the babies with.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: To have the babies? To have the babies?
Vicenzo: Yes, lots and lots of the babies... All day long the babies. *Walks away*
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: ...All day long the babies?





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