8 Funniest Quotes by Louis C.K


1.       I was driving in Manhattan. There's traffic, nobody's moving... The guy behind me is honking just at me. He kept yelling at me. I decided that I'm gonna argue with this guy, but I'm gonna argue about something else. I'm not having his argument; I'm having mine. So, he's like, 'Go!' And I go, 'Well give me back my jacket!' And he stopped. I was like, 'Yeah, you got my jacket! Give it back! I said you could borrow it, not have it! You're stretching it out, you fat pig! Give it back, now!' He got back in his car, and he locked his doors.

2.       I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.

3.       If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.


4.       I'm not an atheist. I think god is there and that he is watching and he made us. I just don't give a shit. I don't "believe in god." I have zero idea how everything got here. I would personally say that, if i had to make a list of possibles, God would be pretty far down. But if I were to make a list of people that know what the fuck they are talking about, I would be really far down.

5.       You're all gonna die. Then you'll be dead for way longer than you're alive, like that's mostly what you're ever gonna be. You're just dead people that didn't die yet.


6.       People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.

7.       Television for a child creates such a high bar of stimulus that nothing else competes. A beautiful day is absolute crap to a kid who watches tv

8.       Drugs are so fucking good that they'll ruin your life.

To watch his stand up comedy videos, click here. 


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