9 Humorous Quotes by George Carlin


1.       When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

2.       Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it’s because they’re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

3.       Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.


4.       When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.Top of Form

5.       The worst thing about e-mail is that you can’t interrupt the other person. You have to read the whole thing and then e-mail them back, pointing out all their mistakes and faulty assumptions. It’s frustrating and it’s time-consuming. God bless phone calls.

6.       You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.

7.       Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.

8.       I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be "Governor Bush." I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.

9.       The status quo sucks.


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